IF A TRAIN FALLS IN THE FOREST...
It's the height of rush hour and an accident on the Stevenson Expressway stops traffic for one hour in both directions as workers hastily clean things up. From 5:30pm until 6:40pm, nothing moves and thousands of people are left to stew in their cars.

Do you think you might hear about this on the news?
I'm thinking it would be the major story on the Six O'clock news as well as a page one blurb in the papers the next day.

Okay, how about this: It's the height of rush hour and an fire in a subway tunnel stops "L" trains for one hour in both directions as workers hastily clean things up. From 5:30pm until 6:40pm, nothing moves and thousands of people are left to stew in on the train.

Apparently, you're NOT going to hear that story on the news-because it happened this past Friday, August 15th. In fact, there was nary a mention on any of the five late newscasts, no news brief in either newspaper on Saturday and no mention whatsoever in Chicago's only alleged "Transportation Column." Nothing.

Pathetic.

I got on a Blue line train at Monroe when it pulled into the station at 5:30 on Friday. A minute later, the conductor announced that due to a fire between the Grand and Division stops, there would be a delay, and that no trains were moving southbound either. He said he didn't know how long it would be, but we might want to go topside & catch a bus to Damen. That would be the 56 Milwaukee bus. I knew that hopping that bus would mean about an hour ride to Damen, so I decided to wait it out. A woman who sat next to me eventually decided to go the bus route, but returned 15 minutes later. There was a huge crowd of people waiting for the bus, but she couldn't figure out which bus to take. That's because a CTA attendant was telling people to take the number 156 bus, which is interesting because the 156 LaSalle bus runs due north and nowhere near another blue line stop. I hope those "Customer Service Agents" don't ever mistakenly think they deserve raises. Anyway, around 6:40 the trains started to move again--very slowly until we exited the tunnel and got to the Damen stop. The fire was probably one of those third rail overheating fires just past the Division stop--I didn't see anything around there save for several workers on the tracks doing something.

Okay, so I can't pin down actual ridership affected so I'll have to make an educated guess. According to the CTA's own figures, on an average weekday in June 2003, about 35,200 riders entered the Blue Line via the eight downtown Subway stops (from Clinton to Grand). I'm going to make a guess that 1/3 of that figure accounts for the Morning Rush, 1/3 for the evening rush & 1/3 for all other times of the day. That would mean approximately 11,700 riders use those stops during the evening rush, and all things being equal, let's assume the delay encompasses only half the 2-hour rush hour. So we have a figure of approximately 5,860 riders who were stopped during Friday's evening rush.

Over 5,000 people were delayed by an hour as they tried to get home and not one of the TV news departments or newspapers saw fit to report this--even after the fact (I can't speak for radio in this instance). Adding insult to injury, the top story on Friday night's news shows? How New York was getting back to normal after Thursday's power outage. This was NEWS? This was the top story in CHICAGO? Gimme a break.

Ignorance of the problem is no excuse--CTA radio frequencies are relatively known among transit enthusiasts. Amazing to think that the various assignment desks at our news organizations don't feel it important to monitor the radio chatter of our public transit company.

Meanwhile, The Sun-Times' transportation reporter Robert Herguth on Monday once again scooped the Tribune's Transportation columnist Jon Hilkevich with the story of how the CTA padded their pensions when no one was looking a couple weeks ago. This in contrast to the CTA claiming poverty while bus drivers haven't had a raise in four years. How embarrassing is it when you have a column dedicated to transportation, but you repeatedly get scooped out of your jock strap by a transportation reporter who does occasional articles? I would say it's very embarrassing. It must have been so embarrassing that the Tribune decided to ignore the story entirely--mentioning it only in passing two days later at the bottom of a labor union story:

On another subject, Daley raised no objections to recent action by the CTA board to increase pensions of some management employees, including Frank Kruesi, the agency's president. "There is nothing wrong with that," he said of Kruesi's pension enhancement.

Actually, this is very old news--that the Getting Around column is the last place to look for CTA criticism. Transit enthusiasts have railed about this for years. It's just too bad that the best source of CTA mishap info--the Weekly Breakdown is no longer with us. Wonder if the Sun-Times would consider letting someone do a Monday-Thursday Transportation column. Might be a smart move.

Sigh.
CRAZY (TRAIN)--LIKE A FOX!
Did you happen to see the Cubs-Dodgers game on Sunday? Even if you didn't watch the game live, you must have seen Ozzy Osbourne mumble his way through "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". It was hilarious, sad and captivating. Like watching a car during a NASCAR race go airborne and cart wheel several times until it stops and the driver calmly exits and walks away with no injuries. Good clean entertainment.

That's what sports are really about--right? Entertainment.

ESPN and most sportswriters took the spectacle for what it was--fun. Then there were a few sportswriters devoid of funny bones who decided that it made a mockery of the game. Right. The Cincinnati Reds are making a mockery of the game--Ozzy Osbourne was having a blast. Some dork suggested that rather than trying to "win the World Series" (hey, assface--let's just try to GET there first, okay?), the Tribune was just being greedy in using the 7th inning stretch to promote Sharon Osbourne's talk show, which premieres on WGN-TV Channel 9 weekdays at 9am starting September 15th (Disclosure: I work in the television division of the Tribune Company).

Yeah, right. Meanwhile, Russell Crowe's appearance promoting his crap-rock band playing at the House of blues was just fine, I guess.

Despite my insider status, I have to say that the whole event was a brilliant promotion. With ESPN and TV stations around the country running clips of Ozzy attempting-and failing-at singing the song, the Sharon Osbourne Show (which premieres on WGN-TV Channel 9 weekdays at 9am starting September 15th) got a butt-load of press. Was it a bad thing for Tribune to do? Come on! It can't be any worse than a network placing a "green screen" at the Wrigley Field backstop so they can electronically insert billboards for "The O.C." during their national broadcast. Now THAT's a travesty. Who's greedier then? Tribune or Fox? Methinks neither--they both are taking advantage of any promotional that seems appropriate. The Tribune would rather not ruin the game while it's being played.

Okay, enough flag-waving. My point about those who would furrow their bushy eyebrow over using the 7th inning stretch as a promotional tool is that if you complain that it should NOT be done, you forfeit the right to complain that Tribune should take money from other business units and use it to buy the Cubs a championship. You can't have it both ways. Well, unless you are a doofus sportswriter whose opinion flip-flops daily.

By the way, last Sunday's Cubs-Dodgers game on Channel 9 was the #1 program from 1-4pm. It had an 8.9 Household rating & 20.3 share, which means that on average, 8.9% of Chicago households were watching or 20.3% of Chicago households who had the TV on. In non-TV speak, about 298,000 households (out of 3,351,000 total Chicago Households) watched the game on average, with a spike during the 7th inning when 341,800 households were watching the crowd chanting "Ozzy! Ozzy!" before he delightfully mangled the song. So, people tuned into the Cubs game special to see Ozzy. That's a bad thing? That doesn't even count the viewing outside Chicago on the Superstation. Meanwhile, the ratings for the PGA Championship on Channel 7, which started at 1pm, nearly doubled after the Cubs game ended at 4pm.
MUSINGS
Proving that cluelessness can strike any sportswriter, some guy named Rob Neyer wrote an amazing article for ESPN.com questioning the recent acquisitions by the Cubs. It looks like he was just trying to bash the Cubs, but amazingly he didn't quite understand what Lofton, Simon & Womack (and near-Cub Palmiero for that matter) have in common. Read the article, then scroll down and read what I wrote to Neyer.

In a Boston Globe story, Chicago Reader publisher Jane Levine says the Red Eye and Red Streak aren't hurting the Reader. Check it out.

Did you know that the Sharon Osbourne Show premieres on WGN-TV Channel 9 weekdays at 9am starting September 15th?

By the way, I created that ad for Felines, Inc. at the top of the page after I saw Danielle Serino's story about the shelter's money problems earlier this week. If you are looking for a cat, they seem like a great place to find one to your liking.

My email to Neyer:
Your article, "Cubs' acquisition of Womack definitely bizarre" was interesting. As far as the acquisition of Womack and Randall Simon before him, I'm trying to figure out if you truly don't "get" why they were acquired, or if you just decided to ignore the #1 reason the Cubs had for acquiring them.
THEY ARE LEFT-HANDED HITTERS!
The Righty-heavy Cubs desperately needed some left-handed hitters, and while Simon & Womack aren't Ted Williams--or even as good as the frozen head of Ted Williams for that matter--they fill a role-player need. The other lefties on the Cubs? Paul Bako, Troy O'Leary, Tom Goodwin and Augie Ojeda (switch). Lofton, Simon & Womack fill the left-handed hitting need the Cubs have.
You can't seriously be so clueless as to have missed this fact. So I guess you just wanted to write an article making fun of the Cubs. Sad.

I'm still stunned that he never even used the word "left" in his article. I guess it's just proof that you don't have to be smart to be a columnist. In fact, all it takes is a web page...hey...waitaminit...I... mean...D'OH!
LETTERS TO THE CME
"I was watching the network coverage of the blackout Thursday. ABC had Ted Koppel doing what amounted to an hour-long, early version of Nightline. It was excellent. He was interviewing the head of PEPCO, the District of Columbia power company. No jargon, & short, straight answers. At 5:59 PM, the bozos at Channel 7--and I discovered--Channels 2 & 5 cut away for local coverage.
Like they could do better than the network?
Anyhow, a couple of minutes into their broadcast, Dick Johnson says the following exact quote: "It doesn't appear that the blackout is affecting the Chicago area". This is 110 minutes after the blackout happened. By then it would have been obvious if Chicago were affected. Just to get an absurd local angle, both he & Channel 7 come off as amateurish fools. Either we were or we weren't affected! Which was it? If they wonder why their ratings show a long, slow decline, this is a major reason. When this happens to your ratings there is only one explanation for it: your audience is literally dying off. I also have a hard & fast rule about local newscasts. The second Jesse Jackson is shown, I turn it off. It means there isn't any more real news, just junk masquerading as news." - G.J.
OUT OF THE BOX
Missed my deadline again. My excuse this time is that I was speed dating last night. In fact, I was speed dating for a good cause. Okay, you can stop laughing at me now. ExpressDater was donating a portion of their proceeds last night to St. Michael's Church in Old Town, which needs some roofing done (and you know those wacky Catholics and their big-roofed churches). I swore off speed dating in June when I saw that the room was filled with self-absorbed superficial people who felt they could judge someone in three seconds rather than the three minutes. Sure, I'm no Colin Farrell in the looks department, but on the depth chart, I'm a freaking ocean compared to his puddle-like depth. You know you're in the company of losers when you walk in the restroom to see a dozen guys primping at the mirror while you nearly pass out from what could only be described as a toxic cloud of Drakkar Noir. Well, a friend who goes to St. Michaels convinced me to give it another try, so I figured: why not? I expected the crowd last night would be a little more down-to-earth than the last experience and I was not disappointed. I had a chance to chat with 32 ladies who are each fabulous in their own ways and who I would never have had a chance to meet in any other situation. Maybe I'll get a few dates out of it, but even if none of the ladies turn out to be "the one", it was still a fun night.








The Chicago Media Examiner is published by John Kuczaj
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