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THE SCHIZOPHRENIC SPORTSWRITER PART 2
Continuing the chronicle of Jay Mariotti, Chicago's most mentally unstable sportswriter.*Part 1 can be found here As before, the headlines are mine, summarizing the column: SAMMY'S BACK! (Thurs, 10/9/2003 Sun-Times) "Assuming no man is foolish enough to use a corked bat after being caught with one, what we're seeing in this series is the revival of Sammy Sosa, au natural." CUBBIES ARE AMERICA'S TEAM! IF THEY WIN (Fri, 10/10/2003) "The story that never could happen is happening. No longer is this romance about the unwavering loyalty of foolhardy masochists. At last, after 95 years of futility, this is about a legitimate opportunity of winning a world championship and rewarding the sheep for their long wait... Until they win the pennant, I guess they're still the Cubs, still haunted by a goat." CUBBIES GONNA WIN IT! (Sun, 10/12/2003) "Not being familiar with a 3-1 advantage in a League Championship Series, Cubdom isn't sure how to react to a comfort zone. Some advice, if I may: Stop worrying, sit back, take it all in and believe your eyes. After decades of curses and hexes, black cats and Brant Browns and an unbelievably stupid billy goat, it is now safe to trust the mother of all sports teases. With Mark Prior and Kerry Wood lined up as safety cushions if Carlos Zambrano falters today, I dare say Ron Santo won't be uttering a single ''Ohhhhhhhh Nooooooooo!'' as he awaits surgery." MINOR SET BACK TO THE PENNANT (Mon, 10/13/2003) "If Prior somehow screws up against Pavano, Kerry Wood comes back in Game 7. Talk about two golden parachutes. Besides, there would have been no romance in burying a billy goat at Pro Player Stadium, a sterile football stadium out by the turnpike. The Cubs are positioned to clinch at Wrigley Field, where a pipe dream as unthinkable as a pennant should be celebrated." MARK PRIOR WILL DO IT! (Tues, 10/14/2003) "This is a new century, a new Chicago, a new Cubs culture and a fine time to stop dwelling on events from 58 and 95 years ago. Yes, attempting to overcome futility is the crackling essence of this team and this season. But anybody who is panicking with a 3-2 lead in the National League Championship Series needs a shrink and a life, not to mention a better understanding of Prior and the magnitude of his unwavering mastery." BLAME THE FAN! (Wed, 10/15/2003) "Every fan in the area should have gotten out of the way and given Alou a fighting chance to record the second out and further bury the Marlins....One guy in a gray sweatshirt reached over, but it was the 26-year-old sitting beside him -- the one who looked like he has spent one too many nights keeping score and not enough at Murphy's Bleachers -- who reached out and touched the ball. If he let Alou do his job, the Cubs probably would be preparing for a World Series right now." TRIBSTERS MADE THE CUBS LOSE! (Thurs, 10/16/2003) "...the cold, harsh truth was that the Cubs gagged again, as they did in 1984 and 1969, as they will for eternity until Tribune Co. starts acting like a major-market franchise, raises the payroll to $100 million and gives talented baseball men like Baker and Jim Hendry all the requisite edges. A team can't solve something as powerful as a 95-year hex without a top-five financial commitment.." MISERLY TRIBSTERS, I TELLS YA! (Fri, 10/17/2003) "That would have been the Cubs, who can't compete with the sport's goliaths until they start reinvesting more of their megaprofits into the baseball product and stop trying to win pennants by piecing together jigsaw puzzles…Truth is, the Cubs were too flimsy and mentally fragile to break through something as powerful as a 95-year futility hex. The Red Sox, meanwhile, eventually might topple 85 years of woe, thanks to a $120 million payroll that includes several superstars. Boston didn't chase away the Bambino, but the Cubs might want to adopt the blueprint. Last I looked, the Boston market was about half the size of Chicago. Last I looked, Fenway Park was smaller than Wrigley Field. Spend, gentlemen." YANKEES IN SIX! (Sat, 10/18/2003) "Fact is, the Yankees will win in six games because of their blanket familiarity with October, not to mention their aura and mystique." MARLINS GOT SPUNK, LOW PAYROLL! (Sun, 10/19/2003) "Such is the charm of the Marlins, the little guys from the football stadium with a payroll one-third that of the Steinbrenners. They aren't here to give props to 26 world championships. They're here to win a World Series, which would mark an amazing rebirth from the ashes of near-contraction." BEARS SUCK! (Tues, 10/21/2003) "They won't (come back). They won't because they are the Bears, the most inept sports franchise in Chicago, much like being the world's shortest midget. They are coached by a nice fellow in far over his head and generally managed by a perplexing guy, Jerry Angelo, whose teetering credibility and Chicago future depend primarily on the development of young quarterback Rex Grossman." GUILLEN'S THE MAN! (Wed, 10/22/2003) "With no managing experience, Guillen would work for the same salary as Manuel. And anyone who thinks he's the clubhouse provocateur and chatterbox of yore -- a guy who thanked me for ripping Frank Thomas when the Big Skirt refused to knock down a catcher in a bang-bang play -- should realize men do mature in life, even Guillen." YANKEES CHOKING! (Fri, 10/24/2003) "In many ways, I admire Steinbrenner for reinvesting ample percentages of his profits into his roster. He makes the most and spends the most, an approach not shared by the Cubs, whose profits rank among the top teams while this season's payroll settled in at No. 12. But the expenditures only intensify George's obsession with winning. You can't tell me his pressure cooker is healthy for the Yankees." BLACKHAWKS SUCK! (Sat, 10/25/2003) "They are blowing off yet another season, not a good idea when the Hawks haven't won a Stanley Cup in 42 years, home attendance ranks 30th in the NHL and the product might be disappearing for a couple of years while the owners and players association squabble. The franchise is in a crisis period, which everyone seems to understand except Wirtz. He'll never be in a money crunch because he's a zillionaire who owns the arena and doesn't pursue major free agents. But that doesn't mean the Hawks aren't dying a slow death. Sooner or later, probably later, Wirtz might realize it. Meanwhile, his stooge is in denial." MARLINS WIN! GREAT STORY! (Sun, 10/26/2003) "On a memorable Saturday night in sports history, the Florida Friggin' Marlins turned Bud Selig into a fool, made Cubdom feel a little sicker and further disproved the theory that small-budget ballclubs can't win World Championships." FORGET CITO GASTON, HIRE GUILLEN! (Mon, 10/27/2003) "Does racism still infect baseball? Absolutely. But skin color didn't stop the Cubs from throwing more than $14 million at Baker, whose positive influence has been worth every penny." LAY OFF THE BARTMAN! (Tues, 10/28/2003) "Yes, Bartman should have grasped ballpark protocol that bizarre night in the left-field stands, understood his front-row responsibility enough to not pursue the ball when it obviously was close enough for Alou to catch. A fan in that situation should try his best to get out of the way, even if he isn't of the mind to see Alou approaching, as Bartman claims. Still, he's also a human being who was reacting in a tense, unusual moment. And the resulting verbal abuse and trash-hurling, followed by the Neanderthal threats and creepy reaction on the Internet, hasn't reflected well on Chicago's sports culture…they're laughing at us in New York, where they accurately perceive Bartman bashers as being obsessed with a peripheral issue and not concentrating on the real questions: why Mark Prior couldn't hold a three-run lead in Game 6, why Alex Gonzalez isn't being dubbed the A-Goat, why Kerry Wood was so bad in Game 7. They're right for thinking Cubdom is being too easy on the team and too hard on the fan.." BULLS SUCK! (Thur, 10/30/2003) "So much for "the new slate'' the coach had talked about. Seems the opener was just an extension of last season and four ugly seasons before. History in the making? The Bulls are only making you cry. Again.." * NOTE: The CME has been unable to obtain medical records on the mental stability of Mr. Mariotti due to privacy laws and the fact that we haven't made an attempt. This statement, therefore, is not fact but rather the opinion of the Publisher |
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PLAGIARISM STORY DIES
Last Tuesday, in his online blog "Eric Zorn's Notebook", Tribune columnist Eric Zorn broke the story of a plagiarism by a radio morning show. Zorn busted WLS-AM's Don & Roma for borrowing content without permission or attribution. The morning duo converted an essay by Tribune columnist Leah Eskin from the Sunday Magazine into a scripted rant between them.
Externally, not much happened. Djheadlines.com picked it up, as did Romenesko but no one else media-wise did. On Friday, Zorn updated the story with a fantasy sequence in which Don & Roma were responsible (again--"fantasy") and contrite for their oversight. Still, mainstream media ignored the story and Tribune legal-types let it go. Finally this Tuesday, the duo acknowledged what happened, made light of it, made fun of Zorn and dismissed it with an explanation that rivals "I did not inhale" on the believability-meter. It's obvious to me that without mainstream media picking up the story, the Internet scoop was doomed to die. No one would expect Robert Feder to pick it up--his bosses would never let him write about the Tribune being wronged. For some reason, there was little chance that the CT itself would publish the story in article form. What about TV News? Here's a dialog I picture happening between Producer and News Writer at one of the morning news shows: News Writer: Hey, should we do a story about Don and Roma lifting the column from the Trib? Producer: Why would we do that? News Writer: Don't you think it is wrong to use what someone else wrote and pass it off as your own? Producer: Sure I do, but our viewers don't care about that stuff. News Writer: Okay. The show is half over--can I take off early? Producer: No chance (drops the Sun-Times on the desk) look through the paper and find any stories we didn't have in the first half of the show, then write them up for the next newsbreak. News Writer: Wow! I can see five already… |
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AGING THE POINTLESS
Happy Birthday to the Reds - Eye and Streak - turning 1-year-old last week.We also discovered last week that an average of 9,000 people pay for RedEye on a daily basis. Ouch. That can't be good. Kate Zambreno wrote an interesting piece on the Reds in yesterday's NewCity , though it is fair to note that NewCity was one of those alt papers that felt threatened by RedEye. Interesting points nonetheless. Happy Birthday to the Chicago Red Face. 52 consecutive weeks in the parody & satire biz. We only did one "best of" issue that had a decidedly luke-warm reception. Don't worry: we don't plan on doing that more than 10 times next year. Promise! |
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MUSINGS
The Sun-Times unveiled a redesign yesterday. I really liked the blue sans-serif Sun-Times logo, but the new logo and new look is pretty clean, and it's growing on me. The front page looks great. Check out Editor & Publisher's article about the "Stealth Redesign" and if you haven't seen the new front page, check it out.Good job guys! Maybe it's the tequila talking, but doesn't it make sense that since the Fire Department uses water to put out fires that the Water Department should use fire to get rid of water? So...Billy Corgan suggests that Susanna Homan is shallow? Duh. CBS buckled under pressure form the Republican Party and effectively cancelled their "Reagans" miniseries. In doing so, they kinda sorta made their news operation look like ass. How do we know that CBS News coverage hasn't been influenced by complaints from high-ranking politicians? We don't, but since the Corporate-types so easily buckled under the pressure, everything CBS loses credibility. CBS News especially. Two things about the complaining from the Chicago Teachers Union have been making me laugh. In both cases, they look like stupid teachers when they bring them up. First, the argument that Chicago teachers should get a bigger raise than 5% because suburban teachers make a lot more than they do. This argument is hilarious because the teachers who give it are the ones who try but cannot get those higher paying suburban jobs. The wait list for those coveted suburban jobs is long, and the schools have their pick of the best Chicago teachers to take. That leaves the ones who don't make the cut to complain. Also, they are mad about rising health insurance costs. Welcome to the real world. Unless you're in the Teamsters, your health insurance costs are rising. The teachers aren't getting much sympathy from anyone on that issue. Overheard Thursday morning on Fox News in the Morning: When she was a baby, Tamron Hall's mom would wipe Tamron's face with her urine-soaked diaper. Tamron explained that this was apparently a custom in the city where she was born that when mothers did this to their baby, it would make them beautiful. You can't argue with the results, can you? |
