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RED FACE RETROSPECTIVE
The current issue of the Chicago Red Face is my last issue as Publisher/Editor-in-Chief. As fun and rewarding as it has been to publish a fake online newspaper for 60 weeks, I feel like it is time to move on to other things. One of those other things is a recommitment to THIS column, which suffered from an erratic publishing schedule in 2003. My leaving does not necessarily mean the Chicago Red Face is done for. Gregg Jaffe, my partner-in-crime on the site, intends to continue publishing after a short hiatus during which he will try recruiting a writing staff. I'm leaving on good terms and will even continue promoting the site on the CME once he gets everything in order.
Proving once again that I have no problem laughing at myself, this week's issue of the Chicago Red Face has a lead story about my leaving the publication. Since it was my swan song, I wrote the whole issue this week, including a long-planned parody of an Eric Zorn-Mary Schmich exchange. The Chicago Red Face began as my response to the RedEye newspaper that the company I work for (I work in the Broadcasting division) decided to publish in late 2002. As a commuter under the age of 35, I was very insulted by what I saw (to be fair, I think the RedEye has improved by leaps & bounds since its debut), so I decided to make fun of it. The Red Face was born on November 5, 2002 as an extension of that week's CME. I got a big response that week, including the Association of Alternative Newsweeklies. I had been in the sketch comedy group "Funny How" with Gregg from September 2001 until the group fell apart in September 2002. He suggested that we do the Red Face on a weekly basis, and I agreed to keep it going when he said he had a few people lined up who wanted to write for the site. Unfortunately, free help is hard to find, harder to keep. For the most part, Gregg and I wrote everything every week. Almost immediately, the site changed from a parody of the Reds to a general fake news site. A few facts about the Red Face - In coming up with a name to parody the RedEye and Red Streak, the name "Red Face" beat out "Red Tide" and "Red Ass". - I decided to go with pseudonyms for the articles and a credits box as a way to give the site a team feel among the writers. Unfortunately, Gregg and I pretty much stuck with the same pseudonyms and without other writers; it became easy to pick out which articles we wrote. I was Frank Williams and Gregg was William Rentero. Whenever one of us wrote something and the other heavily edited it, it came from the "Red Face Wires". I wrote every Jay Merryman column (no surprise there) while Gregg wrote all the parodies of Susanna Homan, Sneed and Kup. - As my response to the Sun-Times sports section using flimsy excuses to publish Anna Kournikova pictures, I decided to feature Serena Williams every other week because she's a better athlete and (in my opinion) a much more attractive woman. - On the non-Serena weeks, Gregg usually picked a hottie to put on the page. Hey, it's the internet--pictures of hot women bring in the page views. - Gregg created most of the good pictures on the site. - Jenny from River East, the rabid Chicago Sting fan debuted in the question of the week feature "What's on your young, wise, desirable mind?" in issue #7. It was a question about the Cubs and the joke was that she's a soccer fan but only of the Chicago Sting, not the Chicago Fire. She was an immediate hit and became a Q&A regular. The genesis of Jenny's fanaticism was one time over 10 years ago when I went to a Chicago Power indoor soccer game for free with some friends. I have a habit of yelling out nonsensical things at sporting events, and every time I screamed "GO STING!" a couple of elderly guys a few rows in front of us would turn around and laugh hysterically--even after the twentieth time. Let's face it--Chicago's soccer team should be named the Sting. The Fire was a crappy World Football League team. Screw the Fire. Go Sting! - I received a few requests from journalists who wanted to be parodied in the Red Face. All requests were fulfilled. - I finally got around to making an index of all the columnist/writer parodies. The list includes: Greg Couch, Folks, Stella Foster, Jon Hilkevich, Susanna Homan, John Kass, Kup, Debra Pickett, Ask Rhona, Richard Roeper, Steve Rosenbloom, Sneed, Why are they driving? and Bill Zwecker plus a few more. Oh, and 58 Jay Merryman columns making fun of Jay Mariotti. They say that imitation & parody are the sincerest forms of flattery, but to be honest, almost all were done to mock. Some were done with a wink & a nod--including those requested by the targets. I'll never tell. My favorites among the articles I wrote CTA: "We Are Now 73% Urine-Free!" Blagojevich to Change Name of state to "Illinoisovich") FBI searching for missing car owned by Loren-Maltese Pirates to protest at Superbowl Cardinal George: Fondling Down 47% in 2003 Chicago Celebrates Pulaski Day, Snubs Crawford Again God Criticizes Parents of Septuplets Wilford Brimley not checking his blood sugar often! Fifth Third Bank Sues 1 2/3 Bank for Infringement Chicago To Get New Newspaper, OY! Fannie May Acquires Fannie Mae Study: Penises Longer in 2002 vs. 2000 American Airlines Launches Discount Carrier Lord Black resigns as Hollinger CEO, Lord Vader to take over I very much enjoyed using the Red Face as a forum to ridicule the foolish. My favorite targets were: George Ryan, Richie Daley and France (because, after all: France really IS a shitty, shitty place). My favorite Daley pieces were: Daley Wins By Landslide, Declares Martial Law Arrogant Mayor outlines O'Hare land-grab Wrigley Field Altered Without Warning The Escargot-eating Surrender Monkey trilogy (part 3 written by Gregg): France Surrenders to Iraq France Surrenders to North Korea "Planet of the Apes" Re-Issued on DVD; France Surrenders The Chicago Cork Face that Gregg & I did was also a favorite. All-in-all, it's been a fun 60 weeks. To paraphrase Norm MacDonald and Dennis Miller: That's the fake news and I am outta here! |
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MUSINGS
Sun-Times sports columnist Jay Mariotti remains dead last in the Around The Horn Rotisserie Football League. He's now 107 points behind Woody and 262 behind the Boxing guy.
After 16 weeks, the "ATH" Football standings are:1294 for Max Kellerman (ESPN Boxing) 1216 for Tim Cowlishaw (Dallas Morning News) 1204 for Michael Holley (Boston Globe) 1144 for Woody Paige (Denver Post) 1037 for Jay Mariotti (Chicago Sun-Times) The one thing I love about the weeks around Christmas and the New Year is that we get a chance to see different people filling in for the regular anchor teams. It's great to see Mark Suppelsa at lot. I love watching Randy Salerno and Patrick Elwood in the mornings because they're more entertaining (Read: hilarious!) than the people they're subbing for, yet they also retain their credibility. It may be a given that I totally enjoy watching future anchor star Danielle Serino at the desk, and she seems to be getting better and smoother every time she has the assignment. I like Janet Davies on anchor duty a lot--it's a nice contrast to her normal feature segments. I rarely watch Channel 2 or 5 news outside of the sweeps, so if anyone wants to point out someone there who has been doing a fine job substitute anchoring, lemme know. A co-worker suggested to me that it may be worth watching or taping Channel 5's morning shows now that Dick Johnson & company have moved into their new off-campus studio. Apparently, there are some interesting characters among the groups of people who congregate outside "Studio 5" (seriously--that means Channel 5 only has 4 studios in the NBC Tower?). It's only a matter of time before some really bizarre stuff gets on the air in the backgrounds. I'm surprised a group from boystown hasn't shown up with a huge sign declaring "WE LOVE DICK!" I'm even tempted to show up one morning and see if I can't get large block-letter signs liberally dropping the F-Bomb on the air. I may be mistaken, but since Pioneer Court is a public way, I doubt I could be forcibly removed. Wouldn't a sign that just reads "F**K WERT" be hilarious if it got on the air? I don't know the man and have no ill will toward him...it just sounds funny to me. The "Real Men of Genius" ads are getting a ton of press now that they've started to hit TV. Here's a fun website that archived all the radio ads. |
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LETTERS TO THE CME
Saturday, December 27th John, Great newsletter. You are funny and witty and your observations are right on target! Here are some random rantings and ravings. By the way, I'm not in the industry, but I am obviously a local news addict. 1. Jennifer Mitchell of NBC5 is outstanding, and underrated. 2. ABC7's Ben Bradley sounds like Ted Baxter. 3. Does anyone notice that there are no white anchors at NBC5 except for Dick Johnson and Allison Rosati?! No white anchors at CBS2 except for Stacia Dubin, Jon Duncanson, and Mary Ann Childers? If it were the other way around, wouldn't there be boycott plans, and protests outside NBC Tower and at McClurg Court? 4. After all these years, ABC7's Mark Giangreco still stands alone as the best sports anchor in town. 5. Jim Williams and Alita Guillen of CBS2 make a really good anchor team. 6. Doesn't Mark Suppelsa seem so much happier at Fox32? 7. The new Studio 5 concept is a good one. Thanks, John, you do a great job. (K.N.) THE CME SEZ: Thanks for the kind words! 1. Agreed. 2. I disagree. 3. All the more reason for Channel 32 to go with a Jacobson-Suppelsa team full-time, to balance things out. 4. Agreed. 5. Agreed. 6. That's because he is. 7. And ironic that NBC built a skyscraper for the station, yet the studio is located in the Equitable building. Sunday, December 28th Today's Sun Times article on well-known Chicagoans who died in the last year was titled: "Last L Rides". It had Kup in there. He was well known, but take the L, that's pretty funny. My father was a cab driver for 40 years & picked up Kup numerous times. The last time I saw Kup, was over 2 years ago [August 2001]. I was waiting for a bus at Dearborn & Wacker & a car pulled up & stopped because of a red light. Kup was in the front passenger seat. The only thing wrong was that this was an unmarked Chicago Police car. (G.J.) THE CME SEZ: I also very much doubt that Sis Daley ever went near the "L". |
