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MORE MARIOTTI MADNESS
The term "Butt Monkey" has been used throughout the ages to describe many different things, yet scholars agree that its most appropriate use is as an adjective describing Chicago Sun-Times sportswriter Jay Mariotti.
On Friday, January 9th, the five Sun-Times writers who have Baseball Hall of Fame votes wrote about how they would vote for Pete Rose. Ron Rapoport, Joe Goddard and Mike Kiley each said they would vote "Yes" on the basis of his career achievements. Butt Monkey and Toni Ginnetti each said they would vote "No".
In his rationalization, Jay began with:
"I've always been queasy about sportswriters participating in Hall of Fame voting. We should be covering the news, not making the news."
It's good to know that Jay isn't too queasy that he would refuse to participate in the voting. Some writers might take a stand on this issue, but Jay wants us to know that even though he is firmly against the sportswriters making news, he is still going to vote. Why?
"Beyond that, not all writers are responsible enough to the process to vote with a clear conscience, allowing their friendships-or feuds-with players to sway decisions."
Well, there you go. Jay has to be involved because some writers are morons and he is better than they are. In fact, Jay won't think of letting his friendships with players taint his ballot. Of course, that could be because Jay has no friendships to speak of-with players, fans, other writers, phone sex operators, humans, primates or small woodland creatures for that matter. Jay Mariotti is uniquely qualified to fill out an unbiased hall of fame ballot (except when the players are from the Cubs or Sox--teams that suck).
"But in the sordid case of Pete Rose, I'm privileged to say I wouldn't vote him into the Hall of Fame if I were bound, gagged and staring into a gun barrel."
First of all, if Jay Mariotti were bound, gagged and staring into a gun barrel, the only voting that would happen would be the hundreds of co-workers, athletes and fans vying for a chance to pull the trigger. Secondly, It's nice to know his queasiness passed and he's now privileged to be a voter. Let's skip to the end, shall we?
"If he somehow survives this and reached the Hall, I'm turning in my BBWAA card. But I suspect that won't be necessary."
Remember those words, folks. Jay Mariotti will stop voting for the hall if Pete Rose gets in. Sure, he's not quite principled enough to turn in his voting privileges based on the belief that sportswriters should not be making news, but if Pete's in: he's out. He's a man of conviction, that's for sure. Or is he a man who should be convicted?
On January 13th, the Butt Monkey wrote about the Bears coaching finalists, Lovie Smith & Russ Grimm:
"Eleven years ago this month, I made the mistake of drawing a parallel between the just-dumped Ditka and Wannstedt, then a promising defensive coordinator with the Dallas Cowboys. Like Ditka, Wannstedt was a western Pennsylvania native with a mustache and backwoods accent who played at Pitt. Covering a playoff game five days after Ditka's ouster, I walked into the Cowboys' facility to see several New York writers inquiring about Wannstedt's interest in the Giants' vacancy. When they were finished, I approached him and asked if he had any interest in the Bears.
He said he did. I wrote about it. Days later, Michael McCaskey hired him."
Oh my Lord! The Butt Monkey is taking credit for the Bears hiring Dave Wannstedt! Unbelievable! Sure, we all remember that Wannie was Jay's pick as the best coach for the Bears. Several CME readers have emailed me over the past couple weeks to point out how much Jay DEMANDED the Bears hire Wannie. Now the guy has the cojones to suggest he was responsible for that abject failure on top of his judgment that neither Grimm, nor Lovie is a good enough pick. Hey, based on his track record, it's clear that if Mariotti hates it, the Bears are making the right move.
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DEBRA PICKETT TO TELL HOW SHE GETS FAMOUS PEOPLE TO TALK TO HER
And apparently being a newspaper columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times has nothing to do with it.
Well, I can't say that for sure as I write this, but I will most definitely have that knowledge after Wednesday night. That's when Debra Pickett will be teaching a class on that very subject for the Discovery Center.
If you want to sign up, register at the Discovery Center's web site. The class is Wednesday, January 21st from 7-9:30pm at Crowne Plaza (701 N Michigan Ave). The fee is $39.00 for Discovery Center members, $46.00 for non-members.
Having taken a couple classes in the past at the Discovery Center, I decided to email Pickett about her teaching assignment. The Discovery Center has been around for a long time, and it sure does offer a wide variety of inexpensive classes. I took my first guitar class at the DC in 2002, and it was a very good introduction to the instrument. I also took a voice class there that totally sucked. Oh, well. It gave me enough of a taste that I now take classes at the Old Town School of (Folk) Music.
The DC began with the altruistic mission of offering affordable classes to the masses, with a mix of artistic and work-related skills. To be sure, the DC today has several evergreen mainstays such as the guitar, voice, dance, language, computer and writing classes. However, mixed into the catalog are classes that might be better described as infomercials. One that sticks out is the speed dating "class", but the others are fairly easy to pinpoint. I'm not saying the infomercial classes are bad, per se, just a tad misleading. At one point there was a class on improving your memory that ended up being an introduction to the "Mega Memory" tapes, which were offered for sale at the end of the class. I guess the point is that the Discovery Center has a nice variety of classes to offer, and you have a chance to dip your toe into the font of knowledge, just don't expect a full learning experience in a 6-week course.
Anyway, back to Pickett's class. I wondered if she approached the DC, or if they came to her. She wrote back to me that her friend who did some publicity work for the DC had initially approached her about doing the class. "I enjoy teaching tremendously (and do it for no money at all at The Latin School's Live & Learn program and occasionally at elementary and high schools as well), so this is much more of a fun thing for me than a money-making thing."
That's a good attitude because the former instructors I've talked with have told me that no one gets rich with the small compensation they receive from the DC. That also explains the infomercial classes...hey, ya gots to make a buck somehow. As far as I can tell, Pickett won't be peddling a DVD set of her eating with famous people, so I hope she at least gets a cut of the gross receipts. Hey, who knows, maybe we'll all get to meet "THE BOYFRIEND".
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SOSA SAY WHAT???
Sun-Times reporter Mike Kiley wrote an interesting piece on Sammy Sosa last Thursday. "Sosa's rarin' to go right now" is all about how pumped Sammy is for the new season and how excited he is with the Cubs now that they have a solid nucleus to build into a consistent winner.
It was a very good article.
One quote caught my eye, and I'm disappointed that neither Kiley nor anyone else investigated further into it:
"Dusty called me [Tuesday], and I told him I'm so pumped, so hyped, that this is the first time I have ever started lifting weights in December," Sosa said. "I have never felt like this. It's so exciting for me that I will be there in Arizona whenever the team wants me there. I can't wait."
Whataminit.
This is the first time EVER that Sosa started lifting weights in December? The same Sammy Sosa who blossomed from a skinny light-hitting outfielder into a hulking slugger? Sammy has NEVER lifted weights before December? So he doesn't lift weights year-round?
Okay. Let's think about this.
Training camp starts at the end of February, and Sammy probably stops lifting weights after the season ends. So typically we can assume that Sammy lifts from the end of February through the beginning of October, which is a good 8-9 months. He has never lifted before December, so Sammy's past workouts included at least a three-month break from the weight training.
I'm just moderate with my weight training, but if I stopped for three months, it would take me at least that long to get even close to where I was at strength-wise. Of course, that's not to say that Sammy isn't laboring around his home in the Dominican Republic during the off-season and he doesn't need to hit the weight room. Still, that was an odd thing to read.
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MUSINGS
Needless
Does anyone else think " The Sun-Times' 100 Most Memorable Moments in Sports" feature is a useless waste of newshole? I'm not sure what the point is of "unveiling" two moments each day until mid-February, other than to waste the reader's time with an annoying list. I'm getting tired of lists. ESPN SportsCenter has become ESPN ListCenter. I don't need the Sun-Times to slowly give me a list over 50 days. The best part of the feature is when they say what's coming up, like when they had numbers 89 & 90, they actually print "Coming Friday: Nos. 87 and 88." Duh.
Blues Clues
If anyone is a member at NewsBlues.com, send me an email and let me know what they wrote in their newsletter last Wednesday about the Channel 5 BJ story that I wrote about. Also, let me know if the membership is worth it--I'm thinking about joining up.
More proof that Roeper, Mariotti, Wiser, Homan are worthless
Mark Brown, in his column last Thursday, revealed what you are paying for when you buy a copy of the Sun-Times:
"If you didn't like this column, stop me on the street today and I'll refund your 35 cents."
There ya go. When you buy a Sun-Times, you pay 35 cents for Brown's column and get rest of the issue free.
Clarification Check
Jack Conaty's Reality Check Producer, Geoff Dankert, confirmed to me that the segment is essentially a check on political ads, and that the Blago "100 Accomplishment" document was done because it was a similar campaign-like boasting. Besides, the onslaught of political commercials has yet to come. Okay, I can accept that, especially since Blago's State of the State address was sounded like a campaign speech rather than a leader addressing his constituents.
Code Breakers
The past couple of weeks, Cathleen Falsani has been talking about the book " The DaVinci Code" with Cardinal George, focusing on whether or not it's fictional. I am not very familiar with the book except seeing people on the "EL" reading it. Based on a summary of what it's all about, its plain to me that The DaVinci Code is as made up as The Omega Code was. The interesting thing that I see in Falsani's debunking of the book with George is that there seems to be an underlying fear that some people will actually believe it is true. We live in a world where people believe far-fetched things such as Elvis being alive, UFOs visiting earth, the Kennedy assassination conspiracy and WMD in Iraq. It doesn't take a lot of proof to make people believe in weak concepts. Combine that with the large amount of religious believers that are best described as sheep-like followers with limited capacity for independent thought and ideas and you have a major threat to the Organized Religion Industry. I can understand why the Religion Industry wants to debunk The DaVinci Code. Some books with fat-fetched ideas and dubious proof behind them are just not true, while others are most definitely true and should not be questioned or you will go to hell. Besides, the real origin of Christianity can be found in the 1987 John Carpenter movie "Prince of Darkness" which exposes the conspiracy that the Catholic Church has been secretly hiding the essence of Satan himself for thousands of years and they created the story of the Bible as a metaphor for the real evil contained within a vat of green liquid.
Everyone knows that.
Story Idea
During Friday's " Chicago Week in Review" show on Channel 11, the subject of the state's 11th casino license came up. The Sun-Times' Mike Mulligan said something about the casino license that blew me away-not because it was surprising, but because he's the first journalist that I've heard say it. He basically said (I'm paraphrasing here) that the environment in the casinos he's been inside was sad and depressing-that the people who were coming there to gamble were not the high rollers shedding some pocket change, but they were middle-to-lower income people seeking hope despite odds stacked against them. They are people who could least afford to lose, but were the most likely to lose. The disease of gambling is overtaking our society. A massive journalistic expose is way overdue.
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LETTERS TO THE CME
Received 01/13 2004:
As for Archibald Candy, the story is always 2 things:
1. "We can't compete with the world, because they pay only 6 cents a pound for sugar, while we have to pay 20 cents a pound"
2. "Our plant on Jackson is old & inefficient"
Well I can't do anything about #1, the US sugar lobby is too powerful, but as to #2, why hasn't anyone in the local media remembered that Fannie May used to have 2 plants. Around 10-15 years ago they closed the modern, one story plant on Montrose Ave, next to the Ravenswood L tracks. They still have an outlet store there, for the next couple of weeks.
An interesting sidebar to this is that if Fanny May had closed the Jackson plant & kept the Montrose plant, we wouldn't have had the Asian long-horned beetle problem. Archibald either sold or leased the empty plant to the company that imported the wooden packing crate that brought over the beetles. (G.J.)
THE CME SEZ:
Interesting sidebar? Understatement.
Received 01/13/2004:
Maybe the Tribune might consider printing graphic photos of news anchors giving blowjobs. After all, they wouldn't want to give their readers anything but the reality that exists in all our lives. Anything else would be censorship, right? (T.P.)
THE CME SEZ:
That's why the Tribune started RedEye.
Received 01/13/2004:
Let me understand your logic here...pictures of dead babies on the cover of the Tribune are not okay, bodies plummeting and hitting the ground on 9-11 are okay...and the use of the word "blowjob" is not okay? Your logic seems to be all over the board on this.
As for the blowjob issue...isn't there some sort of FTC ruling that allows a little bit more freedom of expression on TV and radio after 9 P.M?
And don't worry if Marion has kids or not; if they're young enough not to know what a blowjob is, they should've been in bed by nine. "What about the children?" ---Maude Flanders (B.S.)
THE CME SEZ:
My point is that Wycliff's response didn't make much sense...that the pictures didn't need to be on the front page...that the only reason the pictures were printed was because is was a non-US tragedy...that a respectable journalist doesn't need to use the term blowjob.
There's a time & place for everything. I have no problem with graphic photos and video telling a story--especially war, terrorism or disasters, but the story gains nothing when language sexually graphic or profane language is used in cases where it can be subbed out or bleeped.
The FCC rules do loosen up after 9pm, making any kind of appeal to them useless.
Received 01/14/2004:
John,
I am a big fan of your site, I check in on it everyday. I had to comment about a couple things. Yes, Paige (Wiser) might be self-centered, but who REALLY takes that cake is the ever-annoying Debra "The Boyfriend" Pickett. I just love how she passes judgment and looks down on most of the people she lunches with.
However, the reason I'm writing is, I am a fellow Jay Mariotti hater. Yesterday's column was jaw dropping. So, The Wannstedt era was Mariotti's fault? Who knew? I know he constantly references how important he is. Now this. (M.B.)
THE CME SEZ:
I don't mind Debra Pickett's boyfriend references right yet, but if she doesn't marry or break up with him this year, then it will become annoying.
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ASK THE CME
No queries came in this week.
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OUT OF THE BOX
I have no idea when it will return.
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HUMOROUS OBSERVATIONS
Is it me, or does John Kerry look like he should be at the "Iowa Carcasses"?
Last week, FIFA (the International Soccer Authority) president Sepp Blatter said women should consider wearing more revealing uniforms, such as skimpier shorts, to bring more attention to the game. He said women's soccer needs different sponsors from the men's game and should try to attract fashion and cosmetics companies by featuring "more feminine uniforms." And "Tighter shorts, for example, in volleyball the women also wear other uniforms than the men. Pretty women are playing football today."
Here are some of my suggestions to increase interest in women's soccer:
- Play shirts & skins
- Play pants & skins
- Play skins & skins
- After each goal, have women teammates romantically kiss each other--just like they do in the men's game.
- After each goal, have women teammates romantically kiss male fans in the bleachers.
- Change name of top league designation from "A league" to "DD league"
- Make the game more like "Foxy Boxing"
- More emphasis on Headers, if you know what I mean.
- Change playing surface to mud.
- Change playing surface to plastic, require players to be showered in baby oil every 5 minutes.
- First 10,000 men at every home game receive free Viagara samples.
In his State of the State address last Wednesday, Governor Rod Blagojevich criticized the 2,800 pages of rules governing education in Illinois. The Governor compared the voluminous document to the Bible, Koran and Torah, but failed to compare it to the 1,500 page instruction manual that he gave his barber for styling the Blago 'do.
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